Waimanalo and a show....

Just walked in half hour ago. Went to a retro sci-fi movie, with Karrie's and Zoe, staring Angelina Jolie's lips. My living room and kitchen were clean when I entered. They weren't when I left this afternoon. Far from it. Dishes washed, counters scrubbed, floor swept, sink clean, table cleared save my ostrich egg and a few art supplies.

Last week I mentioned a work party to build a bamboo aqueduct and have a dinner party, small, with Blake and friends. I didn't see Blake at the open mic last night, and heard not a call to day. Was going to clean the place this afternoon. Rachel called and said Zoe was invited to a birthday party for Hoku in Waimanalo @ 1:00pm. Next weekend is Zoe's last weekend here before her mom takes her to Montana for a year, or so. So, Waimanalo. But first I stopped by Mikes to pick up a couple of magnolia trees that he'd dig out of the yard. Said he'd planted them with her. Now she's gone. So I stopped by with Zoe with rice milk and cookies for Mike. I asked him how he was doing. he said he didn't know. I knew what that meant. I gave the same answer last year to him when he asked me the same question. He asked me if I needed some herb. sure I said, and he wrapped up what he called surplus. I invited him, on Karrie's suggestion, to the movie later. he said sure.

So, off to Waimanalo. Mammas and children, and turtles and chickens that climb up next to you on the couch. Delivered a pua kenikeni to Koalani for the marking of the fourth birthday of the little. She was planning on planting the placenta from Hoku's birth and needed a tree. Lemonade and cookies and little girls in princess dresses. Grouping of adults brought together by the children, some pulled apart over the same. Drumming by the righteous, preaching by the same, ironic this game of life. A piniata that had to be hit while it was down.

Trampolined out, Zoe and I head back to town for a big screen event. Mike ended up on North Shore after yoga in Kailua. Rain check. So, pizza and a movie and clean house upon arrival. Rice milk and cookies and then some. I count my fortune.

Soulfull. Interaction. Within. Without...

Needed to make a list, an itinerary, an articulation of things to do that I can see. The evening was dawning and the light compelled me to putter around the garden. I passed a bucket 1/4 full of refined mud and 1/4 full of water. My attention was caught by a green frog floating sprawled on the surface, pointed nose just touching the side, looking like a docked boat. Stuck. When I reached, frog dove and I drained the murky water to reveal him. Caught him and looked him in the flaming eye in the amber light. Frog didn't resist. I let him go in the fish tank where the other, smaller frog comes and goes.

Said hello to Richie throwing priority garbage into the brimming roll-off dumpster. He asked me up to smoke a roach. I went for the empty water bottles in the kitchen, grabbed a pocketful of lilikoi and walked up to the construction zone.

Michel came up while the cherry was still hot. Richie asked me to stay for dinner. Chris and Angela's kids come by to eat dinner in their pajamas while mom got a little break to watch her program in solitude. Ritchie fired up the grill and Michel lit up the congas. TV was on loud cartoons. "Adult Swim" was the program the kids were watching,; cartoons for adults. The oldest of the kids,4, was tuned in, the three year old more interested in leggos's. The baby walked around all smiles. I realized that there were three adult units present, and I was the only one noticing the programming. I thought about changing the channel, then thought otherwise. Kids used to get carried off by alligators. I have an aversion to remote controls. I look at them like a dry alcoholic looks through a bar window.

I was fixated all night. Watched a foreign film, some local news, Bill Maher, and some King of the Hill. No commercials though. Michel is a good driver, he navigated with skill and close attention to the vibe of the room. I felt this nice absolution from dealing with people in close quarters, excused by the box. I could sit in Richie's house for hours and hours, be socially non-responsive, and socially correct. I all but drooled.

I sat on the new plywood floor and leaned back against the couch due to the state of my workpants. I cleaned out Betty the dump truck earlier. There was a new smell in there this morning. I sniffed around as I was deciding whether or not to resort to a tow truck to get me off a banana that had my tires spinning. I saw some maggots traveling on the passenger floorboard. I looked closer and saw some ants carrying tiny baby maggots off somewhere. The padding under the floormat had been catylized by a leaky window and a wet summer. I had a working ecosystem. So After driving a queasy Karrie around to work lunch and home, I ripped the mat and pad out and hosed down the entire cab. In those clothes I ate porkchops smothered with applesauce and steak and salad with ranch. (I think Ritchie used three quarters of the lighter fluid on the coles as he grumbled about how expensive charcoal grilling was compared to gas. The flames were worth the money. The kids and I all stood transfixed for ten minutes straight.)

I have a court date tomorrow in Ewa. I just made the plan for tomorrow on a manila folder: it was circular and led me right back to having no idea how I was going to pull off tomorrow...

A order for Big Island, and order for China, liriope to be planted, six people to administer in the effort, court, puttering in the garden. Or some permutation....

In the Astrology chat room...

lalonsengupta: hi
guerrillakingx: Hey
lalonsengupta: I am from India
lalonsengupta: and U?
guerrillakingx: Hawai'i
lalonsengupta: COOL
lalonsengupta: Are you an astrologer?
guerrillakingx: No
guerrillakingx: King of the World
lalonsengupta: what is that
lalonsengupta: can you change the world?
guerrillakingx: Nah, just facilitating a change already happening
lalonsengupta: good
lalonsengupta: what is your future planning
guerrillakingx: No future...
guerrillakingx: it doesn't exist...
guerrillakingx: there is only now
lalonsengupta: future means that has not yet come
guerrillakingx: and how we deal with that
lalonsengupta: by dealing the present
guerrillakingx: Future is a concept,
guerrillakingx: Now is a reality
guerrillakingx: How we deal now shapes the next moment
guerrillakingx: Right now
guerrillakingx: You and me...
lalonsengupta: like the exam
guerrillakingx: and how we see the world
lalonsengupta: you prepare
lalonsengupta: to pass the exam
guerrillakingx: ...no
lalonsengupta: which has not yet come
guerrillakingx: You meet the moment with no expectations, hopes or fears
guerrillakingx: You and I could realize heaven on earth, here and now, if we choose to
lalonsengupta: you can realize the heaven
lalonsengupta: which is in future
lalonsengupta: by changing the present
guerrillakingx: Not in future
guerrillakingx: Only now
guerrillakingx: "Heaven" is a state of mind, you can enter and leave over and over
lalonsengupta: you cannot be in that state for long
lalonsengupta: like you cannot be in deep sleep for long
guerrillakingx: Some don't know the option of being there at all
guerrillakingx: It is good to excercise the option
lalonsengupta: can you get the same purity of oxgen when you are in a road full of traffic
lalonsengupta: in which environment you are living
lalonsengupta: that determines how long your mind would be in peace
lalonsengupta: or joy
guerrillakingx: I found this experience in LA
guerrillakingx: Now I am in Hawaii
lalonsengupta: so what
guerrillakingx: you are right
lalonsengupta: take the example of Oxygen
guerrillakingx: ya
lalonsengupta: and try to get same level of purity
lalonsengupta: when you are in the busy road
lalonsengupta: if you can then
lalonsengupta: you are GOD
guerrillakingx: That would be working against the environment
guerrillakingx: Try changing your location...
lalonsengupta: environment does play a great role to determine
guerrillakingx: where god is easier to be
lalonsengupta: how your state of mind would be
guerrillakingx: yes
guerrillakingx: LA was like a purgatory for me
guerrillakingx: it burned off all my illusions
guerrillakingx: It does have its function, the rough environ
lalonsengupta: Mind is not Static
lalonsengupta: it is dynamic
guerrillakingx: ya
lalonsengupta: so it experience all sorts of experience
lalonsengupta: so when you see sorrow
lalonsengupta: you will feel sorrow
lalonsengupta: immediately you will lose peace
guerrillakingx: We can choose the way to deal with sorrow
guerrillakingx: We can be at peace with our sorrow...
guerrillakingx: by not resisting
lalonsengupta: that is called adjustment
guerrillakingx: objectivity
guerrillakingx: ya
guerrillakingx: objectivity allows adjustment
lalonsengupta: when you adjust that means you are managing the situation
lalonsengupta: like
lalonsengupta: i do not like my Boss
lalonsengupta: but i cannot do anything
lalonsengupta: I have to adjust
lalonsengupta: or like
lalonsengupta: you are in the crowded bus
guerrillakingx: Why can you not do anything?
lalonsengupta: you need to adjust with other
guerrillakingx: Be true to yourself
lalonsengupta: you need to adjust with other
guerrillakingx: It is our duty as humans to be honest with ourselves and others
lalonsengupta: you cannot like everything in the world
lalonsengupta: but sometimes you need to adjust
guerrillakingx: Do not encourage incorrect people
guerrillakingx: ya
lalonsengupta: and when there is a concept of adjustment
lalonsengupta: peace is not 100%
guerrillakingx: All is one, no need to like or dislike, just accept all as one, necessary as a whole
lalonsengupta: that is good
lalonsengupta: but difficult to attain
guerrillakingx: Shit makes good compost
lalonsengupta: yes
lalonsengupta: but you must have the courage to bear the foul odour
lalonsengupta: of that
guerrillakingx: No need to judge the odor
guerrillakingx: I compost my shit
lalonsengupta: your senses will not allow you do that
guerrillakingx: I use pine chips to absorb the odor
lalonsengupta: for that you need to practice
guerrillakingx: Nonsense
lalonsengupta: to attain that skill
guerrillakingx: Acceptance...
guerrillakingx: easier than resistance
lalonsengupta: that requires practice
guerrillakingx: No...
guerrillakingx: it requires making a single cause
lalonsengupta: that means what you have attained today
lalonsengupta: is a mere by chance
lalonsengupta: and not the result to practice
guerrillakingx: A lot of fruit is hanging, will you pick it or look at the ground at what is rotting?
lalonsengupta: to pick
lalonsengupta: i need to give effort
guerrillakingx: Or starve
guerrillakingx: Your choice
lalonsengupta: so everything is a result of effort
lalonsengupta: when you accept certain thing
guerrillakingx: Every moment contains opportunity to bridge the divide that separates unity
lalonsengupta: you are giving efforts
guerrillakingx: More effort to resist the truth of life...
guerrillakingx: believing illusions that act as guards to direct experience
lalonsengupta: do you practice spiritualism or only read the books related to that
guerrillakingx: I have no practice other than my writing
guerrillakingx: www.undeadpoetry.blogspot.com
guerrillakingx: oh, and my gardening
lalonsengupta: so to make your garden beautiful what do you do
lalonsengupta: give water and so on
lalonsengupta: here also lies effort
guerrillakingx: I enjoy watching them grow
guerrillakingx: it is not work
lalonsengupta: then it cannot be called garden
guerrillakingx: it is visiting a friend
guerrillakingx: helping to nourish
lalonsengupta: I need to go now, for I have some work
guerrillakingx: I recieve joy from their health
lalonsengupta: it is office time
lalonsengupta: thanks for chatting
lalonsengupta: take care
guerrillakingx: Did you see my site?
lalonsengupta: see you soon
lalonsengupta: no
lalonsengupta: later i would see
guerrillakingx: http://www.undeadpoetry.blogspot.com/
guerrillakingx: Aloha
lalonsengupta: what is that
guerrillakingx: Good bye in Hawai'ian...
guerrillakingx: also hello...
guerrillakingx: and spirit...
guerrillakingx: and breath...
guerrillakingx: Aloha!
lalonsengupta: BYE

UH: Ono Pono open mic...

The open mic at UH is happening. I counted fifty people there at one point Friday. Not bad for word of mouth on the third week. Joel and I are co-emceeing. It has rained every week. I sat behind the musicians and did a panoramic scan of the scene. Intelectuals hanging out around Ono Pono, a half dozen men doing Ta'i Chi, shirtless in the rain. Moon scientists dancing with hippy girls, Zoe dancing with a dog. I saw Karrie tapping her foot. Adam came down to play for the first couple of hours, then stayed to the end. A non-stop jam for nearly four hours straight. When we did stop to try and work out the sound for a couple of accoustic guitars, the pause cleared the dancers. It was like all the strings on the puppets were clipped. The trance broke. Norman the sound guy came at that moment and so we wrapped it up. No kick the can this week.

I believe I would like to freak out...

But I don't know for sure. Maybe tripping out would scratch the itch better... Some kinda out. Black out. A stakeout? Cop out. Pulla fakeout. I like outings.

I went through three suckers in the time it took me to type this post.

Sucking on a lemon drop...

Put my camera phone through the wash. I used a new laundry mat. The wash cycle is 10 mins longer and .25 cents less. So I washed my phone longer for cheaper. It's clean now.

So, I made a deal (sometimes I wheel and deal with the ineffable out of nostalgia for when I was God fearing). I said I'd loose the smoking habit (for at least one year [after I exhaust my current supply]), if the phone would recover (fully functional).

I taped the phone to the dash and drove around the last two hot summer days with the defrost on high. Through a screen of condensation I finally saw the the thing flicker back to life. It worked. then failed again. I gave it another day. I could make calls, but the display screen is iffy.

I have enough tobacco for one more cigarette, but no papers (note: I don't recommend smoking tobacco through a bong; at least not the way one would rip a bud). Whew... I have to go for a walk or vomit now...

If my phone works and I quit smoking I'll probably start eating again. I had two eggs with cheese and kutuk two hours ago. Just now I chopped a potato, pulled some rosemary, minced some garlic chives and sauteed this in olive oil with pepper and basalmic. Crystal sauce and ketchup. Yummy. It would be nice to appreciate flavors again. I'll have to buy more expensive whisky though. Jim Beam is fine if you smoke.

I've heard it said that when a person drops an addiction, there is usually another to replace it within 30 days. So, I should start shopping now...

Food is fine, I can start with that. I have papayas, bananas, lilikoi, avacado's in stock in the trees, herb garden can handle some grazing. But I need something else. Some kind of hand to mouth pocket food. that is fattening. My pants keep falling down.

Maybe I could come up with a usefull addiction. I do have a pakalolo credit that I will need to cash in soon. Maby I could write habitually, again. Amuse myself.

I have been satiating my little desires at the expense of the big dreams. whatever that means.

Labor day, 2004...

I'm taking the holiday. It's quiet on the farm. I'm out of cash. I bought some food on the company credit card yesterday so that I can hang here today. The phone has been quiet. I slept in 'til 10:00am. Steve woke me. Downstairs I see that he has food, but the ants have attacked it. I give more food. I feed Kolohe. He never leaves food for the ants. Sometimes he leaves some for the pigeons so that he can eat them...

I've decided to make a list today. Lists. A list of work priorities, a list for house maintenance, a list for selections of my writing to record with Adam tomorrow night.

I was reading from The Secret Life of Plants last night. Apparently I need to drink water and eat more live foods to function better. Ran out of water yesterday. A short climb up to Ritchies house (he has city water) would have cured that situation, but instead I smoked another rollie and worked in the garden; potting up plants, pulling weeds, moving taro. I wore a half shirt yesterday, so my lower back is covered with mosquito bites.

Raining now. Starting some rice. Mix it with the eggs for breakfast, the beans for lunch.

Been using an old pack of matches to light the rollies this morning. I have two small burns on my neck where the sulfur flew like flaming shraptnel. I'm going to go fill the Zippo I found while cleaning the truck.

The sound, the smell, and the feel of the Zippo flash me back to Los Angeles. Warm brass in cold hands lighting a cigarette in the pre-dawn Sothern California desert, waiting for the Sun in Joshua Tree, waiting for the LSD to fuck with me. Moon shadow strong and definite.

Now I'm back. Yelling at the cat for climbing on the screen.

I'm one of the most interesting people I know. We should all be able to say such a thing. If you don't think you are interesting, then what kind of life are you living? When I say interesting, I mean interested. We don't have to be a beaming pop star or cheating politico or a narcissistic artist to be worthy of interest. We can be interesting/interested at any moment without moving a muscle or having a witness.

I think I was in a time warp of some sort recently. The clock in my truck and the clock on my phone are both eight minutes slow (my truck clock is actually three hours and eight minutes slow, but I know where those three hours went).

I flip the Zip to relight my rollie and now I'm paranoid in Hollywood, convinced that the Moon is not the Moon, but the Mother Ship hovering over LA. Angelinos rarely look up with so much to amuse them on the ground. I call Jim Trip to meet me at IHOP on Santa Monica to discuss this revelation, and though it is 04:00am he obliges. I do my best to convince him of my conjecture. Our waiters name is Jesus, and the bill comes to $6.66.

Alan just pulled in. "What? no respect for the labor movement?" We sit and talk of dreams.

Carson calls from Cali. Going to a barbi. Danny calls. says he's having drinks with Intrepid @ around 9:30pm. I have a bong hit, a cup of coffee, and play the bass a bit. Then I nap on the couch and sweat. Slap occasional mosquito's. I decide to strip and crawl under the net. Wake up at sunset. Beans and rice for dinner.

Turn KCRW on online. Peruse my files to find something I want to work on with Adam tomorrow night. Where to start? only ten years of words to choose from...

Hot day in September...

Wind not moving the air much. Out of cigarettes. Tired of telling people that I'm gonna quit, or telling people that I have quit only to start again.

I like to smoke cigarettes. I do not like the way that I smoke them: fiendishly and repeatedly. My respiratory system is not happy with my habit. I'm not anal retentive about the house keeping, so there are butts everywhere; on the window seals, overloaded ashtrays, the porch, the office, the living room, the cluttered dining room table. The only real pleasure that I get from them is the sating of the addiction to nicotine.

It doesn't make good sense to smoke like I do. The addiction hurts more than my lungs. My will withers in the presence of the nicotine fit. Rationale becomes the most creative of all my faculties, at the expense of my vital energy and peace of mind. Smoking, the urge to light another one, and the idea of quitting, dominate my head space. All day. Starting with the opening of my eyes.

I'll light up to postpone, or forget about, making breakfast . I'll smoke instead of drink water when I'm thirsty. I allow the urge to jerk me around on a leash like a dog, out of a shared moment into a solo puff and blow.

It's hot and I'm sweating. The tin roof radiates heat to the top of my head. Dog is panting on the porch. Air is so still that I notice the banana leaves when they occasion to move.

The suckers do little to curb the oral fixation.

I have to go mail a letter for Carson and cash a $13 check from AFTRA. There are cigarettes down there. I am thinking about them.

If I buy a pack of 20 filters now, they'll be done before the day is. American Spirit rollies cost about the same, but I'll have enough tobacco to keep me puffing strong for a week.

I hate bumming. The idea is: If I don't buy, I'll smoke less. The reality is: My whole day will be arranged to put me in contact with smokers. I spend more time in bars in coffee shops, stoking the addiction to alcohol and caffeine.

The funny thing is: I don't have to do anything to kill the habit and bolster my life condition. I just have to stop doing something.